There's a thin line between seduction and coercion and this article will discuss these minor differences.
The Scene
You've been texting this girl for a while now and things are looking good on your part. She seems to like what you have to say and you're getting along - the vibe is there. Fast-forward and now she's at your place. You two are talking, laughing, eating and just having a good time. You start kissing, things get heated, you touch her leg, she holds you by the back of your neck, you move your hand up her thigh, she bites your lower lip and just when you're about to reach her sweet spot she pulls back and says "let's take it easy". Now, you're asking yourself "What happened?" What do I do now?
What To Do When She Pulls Back
You respect her boundaries! That's what you do! You say "okay", you stop kissing, all together and continue talking. Linking back to an article we wrote about consent, you have to understand the fundamental principal behind the word. "Consent is an agreement between all participants to engage in a sexual activity and it should be continuous and can be rescinded at any time." Dr. Felicia Kimbrough [2020]. This means that she can change her mind at any point of the session and you, as a man, need to respect that. DO NOT try to convince her otherwise, that is coercion and it is illegal and morally wrong!
Coercion
There are a few examples of coercion that can be given with regards to this topic:
Repeatedly asking someone for sex until they finally give in.
Telling her that things have already gone too far to just stop now.
Lying to her or make promises in exchange for having sex.
Telling her to go home in the middle of the night when you know she can't and she's forced to sleep over. (When she refuses sex)
Saying you'll tell people that you did anyways if she doesn't have sex with you
The list goes on...
A common theme with everything listed here is that the girl has lost all her freedom to say "no" when she does not want to do anything sexual with you. If your seduction tactics infringe on her freedom of saying "no" then what you are doing is, in fact, coercion.
Reading her body language is another crucial part of consent. She may say "yes" but everything else about her says no, be it her facial expression, her limp body or her unenthusiastic voice tone.
Conclusion
As men, we grew up with always having to beg or manipulate our way into getting this which is then psychologically ingrained within us. We bring this mentality into the bedroom and think it's okay and it's what women want. These are things that we need to unlearn and teach our young brothers and sons about what consent and coercion is.
The point of this article was not to discuss seduction tactics but, instead, discuss what isn't seduction.